A FINAL HIT

You out Sucka !

A week ago today I returned to my local hepatitis clinic to receive my treatment result, the final blood test result taken 6 months post tx, the Polymese chain reaction test commonly known as the PCR.

Rather than go into some long winded description of my emotions building up to that afternoon what I will say is, yes I was about as emotionally taught as one could ever be. The day was a carbon copy of the day just over two years earlier on which I had completed the same journey to the clinic, blue skys all day. Then to be told my final PCR test. That day it came back ' virus still detected.

This time I arrived sat down & immediately my name was called, I followed the doctor back into her desk, sat down & placed my ipod into my bag which I placed between my feet as I raised my head up to steal myself for the worst, her big beaming smile said it all, she was holding out a sheet of A4 announcing " you will want to read this, I had it printed out for you, " 

                   
                  CONFIDENTIAL RESULT

Reported                   Speciality      Location        Clinician               Status

22 Mar 2011 10:46 Virology/Serology    xxx           xxxxx (MWM)         F


Order Comment:
Sustained virological response  (SVR) .

Sample Ns 298566R (SERUM) Collected 14 Mar 2011 15:10  Received 14 Mar 2011 17:12
Hepatitis C PCR
    Hep C RNA                                      Not detected
    HCV Quantification Number               0
    HCV Quantification Log                     0
    HCV  PCR Lower detection Limit      15.00                 IU/ml


                                                              End of report

I sat & gazed at the page not trying to read it I knew very well it contained the news I had so long waited to hear.

So there it is my battle with hepatitis c is over, now I find a giant hole in my life, all of a sudden the very thing that has been driving me along, the enemy I have fought in so many ways, using every ounce of energy & every waking thought to achieve this one aim, that focus is gone & believe it or not I'm finding it hard to take in. No jumping for joy no wild celebrations, just still in the same routine eating, resting, walking & sleeping, only now the phantom aches of the phcycologic variety are all but gone & a sense of inner peace has descended.

Twenty five or more years ago I made a big mistake & since my HCV was detected & explained to me 14 years ago I've been paying for that schoolboy error. Not even expecting to be rid of it for 10 years. 4 years ago treatment became a reality, after mother passed away & I grasped it with my heart & soul... I stood on the edge of the abyss, lost & now found. The future is unsure ( but who's is ?) of that we can all be sure...


Now life really begins... One day at a time.

I dedicate this blog to the memory of my Mother Mary and My old Doctor who threw me a lifeline, then got me to treatment, Annabelle M.

I also wish to thank all who work in hepatitis clinics up & down the country, without you we have nothing.

Peace.                   

Just Another Pin-Prick

TREATMENT COMPLETE

Today is Wednesday 16th March, on Monday the 14th I attended my local hep c clinic for the penultimate time in this latest term of treatment. There to give my final blood test, only this time there's no LFT & so on, just one vile with a tablespoon of blood within is required but to me it is the most important drop of blood ever shed, for within it lies the answer to whether the virus has been purged or if it still remains.

Within this blog is the story of my up's & downs, how I first found I had contracted the hep c virus & that I have could have carried it for some 25 years. For twenty years I never dreamed that a treatment would come along & like so many others, learned to live with it, coming to terms with it yet some times being drawn down into the murky depressive depths giving little thought to any possible future of happiness of my own, never mind one with a partner, preferring to avoid entertaining thoughts of relationships that appealed greatly & maintain a course that was governed by events around me rather than choices made.

So here I am, 6 months post treatment, a treatment that lasted 50 weeks, basically 18 months since the start, fortunate to be virtually virus undetected at 4 weeks with a count of 43 then virus undetected at 8 weeks and it stayed undetected right through treatment to the end. The big question now being has my body been able to fight the virus on it's own without the aid of Ribavirin & Viraferon and maintain what is known as a Sustained Viral Response or SVR & that is indicated by the blood test I now write about, called a Polymerase Chain Reaction or PCR test.

They say time flies when your having fun, well it wasn't fun but time has certainly passed quicker than during the previous 6 months treatment period, yes the 12 months of treatment flew by, apart from the last month or so, it seems when a target is within reach it suddenly  slows down to a nail biting snails pace. That last month of agonising wait is pure child's play when it comes down to the months leading up to treatments result. Whilst I find myself recovering physically very well & all my other tests i.e; metabolic bone scan, abdominal ultrasound scan & all other bloods came back as normal, apart from my thyroid levels which were out of whack at tx end but now returned to normal, the thought of treatments success has played havoc with my mind.

The liver like the brain does not feel pain, that is to say when we think we can feel pain in either organ in fact we can not, any pain we feel comes from the surrounding areas due to different causes, yet I & am sure many others experience phantom pain the conjures up the worst imagery.

Fact is what's done is done & this particular story of treatment is nearly over, I thought about keeping a lid on my situation so should tx fail I could get my head around it & announce the result when ready, but blog or no blog doesn't change my course. I have laid my thoughts & experiences out before all of those who have read & I feel I owe it to myself to maintain this process to the very last.

In the UK it takes two weeks to get the result of a PCR test, I 'll post a result blog around that time so for now... that's all folk's !

Peace,

Peter.  

Wash up Post Treatment

Upon waking, the very next morning after receiving the "Virus still detected" result. I Set straight about the business of getting to grips with my situation & my options ! Usually there would be the walk to the kitchen, kettle on & so on. Not today, I reached out & grabbed the laptop, sat up crossed legged on the bed & flipped it open.

"Hmm, right let's think", suddenly Pongos "Hepc trust" came to mind, typed in the name & hit the link. Then spent some time just reading, sent them an email, with a brief outline of my circumstances & carried on reading. All of a sudden I began to realise I'd missed a vital part of any patients treatment or even diagnosis, process, "Information."

How foolish I began to feel, after the lessons learned, through looking after mother, researching our human rights, the patients charter & many other things, now when it came to my own plight I'd sat back & left it to the clinic.
Thinking well all there is to do is give my bloods, do the tests & take my med's, after that what will be will be, Right ! Wrong, within ten minuets of reading I discovered people were being offered extended treatment (tx). That in turn made me think about all that bother about going back to do another blood test at the clinic, after tx had been completed. A reply came in from the hep c trust," Sorry to read of your news, I'm in all morning if you would like to talk", Catherine Corr.

 I rang them up & asked to speak to the person who'd replied. We chatted for some time, if ever anyone needed an understanding ear, now was the time. They Gave me a load of positives that boosted me even more, how my liver had at least had a rest, that there were new drugs on the way. The outpouring, the release was the greatest help & for that I will always be grateful.

Before I knew it nearly two hours had passed, still sat up in bed, my feet had yet to touch the floor. without realising it my come back had already begun. Time for a coffee.

On my way to the kitchen I woke up Jnr & told him how it had played out at the clinic yesterday, followed by my new insight into hep c tx & the new drugs & all the positives that your liver gets from completing tx. He never really let on how he felt about tx failing but he's like his dad, maybe even stronger. After making some what was by now lunch, I decided on a walk, it was another beautiful June afternoon, just what the Dr ordered.

Walking along the road, nearing the bridle path where I turn off into the forest, I noticed a person getting ready for a walk stood by an estate car, they opened the back to let out a labouradoodle, as I got alongside the pair, a voice called out " Peter," I turned to see my old pharmacist, she'd coloured her hair & looked quite different.

This lady was a saint, One of the nicest people I have ever met. Like my Dr she had seen me through most of the 10 years spent looking after mother & Jnr, I'd ask her about mothers med's. One time she even researched new dressings that used a honey from Newzealand & printed out a fact sheet for me. I'd met her parents. We were very good friends as much as a customer could be, but it was the way she cared, for instance if the dr had made a mistake in a script & I had to go all the way back, not only would she stay open for me, but she'd ring up the surgery & tell the staff that she would stay open for me, whilst asking them why it was taking them so long to see to me. This made me fell ten feet tall & gave my dignity a much needed boost.

We walked & talked, she had left the chemist & now worked nearby, we had kept in touch through the old girl who still worked there & so we passed messages through her. So it was, that I knew her sister had passed away some months earlier. As we talked we began to unload our emotional baggage, She remarked that she found this year harder than last when she'd lost her sibling, "that's because you were on auto pilot" I said, I knew all about that, after all it was barely 18 months since mother had passed. I'd been on auto for 10 years. We stopped & talked comforting each other.

I called the trust again a couple of weeks later & spoke to the same lady & told her of the events that afternoon, she like me had drawn the same conclusion, that we had been sent, each other, our meeting was no accident.

 The clinics blood test request had also become clearer. They were thinking of offering me extended tx but why they didn't give me a bigger clue, I'll never know. Tough, when all is said & done I refused point blank their request to go back, so what can you do, shit happens. I made a lot of fuss during tx at times I had cause but my mental state during tx didn't help, I hope they understand that.

Everything happens for a reason , so it is that I sit here now, 16 months on from that still detected result & the afternoon walk with my old chemist. Only now I have redone tx, (12 months this time). I was virus undetected at 8-12 weeks & remained so all the way to tx end. That was 2 months ago ( I kept a diary of my months on Treatment on twitter).

All I can say right now is this time I covered every base, armed myself to the teeth with as much information clinical, medical, practical, spiritual, natural & sensible. Also picking up tips from people like me, who have shared their journey & advice learned. Learned in the best way possible, by "Experience."

This blog has been written because I'm still in the best place to share, as I could still fail. I have noticed The difference between the cleared & failed so my hope is that my words will be taken in the spirit offered. It's also written to keep me busy. Trust me there are some good tips in here, I learned from my mistakes last time. Come the final result I say, Win, Lose or draw, I can look in the mirror & say to myself, "Well kid, you did all you could." As results go they don't get to look much better than this at this point, the virus has been banished, through my own work & effort. The big question is where has it been banished to, some dark decaying corner of my liver or totally routed, April 2011 will be D-Day.

Never say never, my failure plan is to take 5yrs out & live life, then take a look at what's available, what I can say is "there's still some fight in the old dog yet" !


Peace.

Judgment day...Treatments End

Treatment was finished, 24 jabs of Viraferon & several boxes of Rebetol (ribavirin), many gallons of tap water, boxes of yogurts & 3-4 banana trees not to mention the staple of homemade butternut, carrot, sweet potato soup mopped up with more bread than you could shake a baguette at !Chained to the alarm (my mobile) twice daily. Driven to the edge of madness along with very little left of a fine head of hair. The skin & appearance of a leper. Now all this was over & boy was I glad.

The month was June, talk about hot & bothered, the hospital wanted me to go back in for more blood tests & the memory of that phone call will stay with me for a while yet...

"Peter, we need you to come in & do your bloods again"

"No way, I'm done & dusted, I've taken my med's, done all my bloods, So what will be will be...sight you later. "The significance of that call would come to me later, but at that point I thought I,ve done everything I can & if it was vitally important, they would insist. They did not. They got the picture & we left it at that, well apart from the fact... I remember getting the sense that something was amiss, due to a previous phone call from the nurse who, upon my last visit had told me how to finish my med's thus ending tx.

"Do your last jab then take your usual dose of Rebetol for the following week & that's it"

"Roger, got that loud & clear "

 After all that, she was called me back a couple ofweeks later, to ask me when I'd had my last jab ?

"when did I do my last jab ! you should know your the one who talked me through it."

"I do apologise Peter. I hope all goes well for you "

"Words just words ! "

My experience with the hep c clinic staff was by now fraught, to say the least. There was one nurse in particular, she had a habit of exclaiming...

" You have lost quite a lot of weight or your blood pressure is very high". I usually gave no reply, instead , I took to letting out a large sigh, to explain my feelings & that I was on to her the wined up. She will be referred to as nurse C, from here on.

Treatment was now 3 months past, I was on the mend & gaining in stamina & strength weekly. The 3 month point brought me back to clinic for the usual bloods & general debrief. I felt good, yet still mentally vulnerable to upset & quick to temper, but still in control. The visits to the clinic could pick me up on occasions when results were good. I'd elected a specific Dr to be the one to deliver the verdict in 3 months time, but decided on this visit that nurse C would do, by way of mending fences. She seemed quite decent that day.
Which was a far cry from the Tactless argumentative nurse I'd crossed swords with before.

They tell you, when you 1st attend the clinic..."we're always here call anytime, should you need us"

So when I called to tell them that, my dentist appointment was to clash with one at the clinic & I'd be late. That I thought it proper to call & explain, rather that just waltz in unannounced, with some old load of pony...NurseC replied "what do you mean turn up announced". Peter you can't just turn up when ever you please & on it went, she was really out for an argument, knowing full well she'd get one from me. I made an unofficial complaint to a nurse I knew would do right..."After the chat I've just had with nurse C & now I'm fuming , bouncing off the walls up here. I could imagine hitting the bottle if I was so inclined. That is no way to handle a patient on tx, so I'm marking her card, anyway I'll say no more, simply a word to the wise."


Six months had now passed post tx, time to return to the clinic for the result. I got dressed put on my Mothers gold ring, which had been altered to fit me, told my son I would text him with the news & walked out the door into a beautiful crisp summers morning. Such days are few & far between in a persons lifetime, one of those firsts, 1st girlfriend, 1st car, Most Memorable. With haircut short, tanned & freshly shaved I swaggered into the clinic, took my seat & was duly summoned by nurse C, all smiles we exchanged greetings, she telling me how well I looked as we took our seats, she leafed through my notes for a moment, then turned to me & announced that the virus was still detected...

"You see Peter, if you had come in for those blood tests."( remember that phone call, mentioned earlier )

"Hang on, I took my med's I did my bloods are you trying to say that it's my fault I failed ?"

"Oh  no, no, not at all !"

My heart sank to a place visited once before, that being the time the surgeon told Mother & I how Father had passed away on route to the operating theater. That happened in the same hospital I know sat, putting the biggest front on since WWII. There was no way I would let this ONE see how deeply she had just pierced me.
As I remember it's amazing how quickly you seem to hit your default emotion overload switch & calm down, whilst they go into SOP...

"Well, your liver has had a good rest, the virus had all but gone at treatments end, we hoped it might have still cleared," along with the other pluses that they can throw you, by way of compensation.

So it was that I walked down the front of the hospital like so many times before, head full of if, ands, buts & maybes. Only this time feeling like the condemned man.

My first clear thought was for my son & how to break the news, impossible. My second was of getting stoned, Out of the question. Then came the 1st positive out of this disaster...

"There is no way I'm letting nurse C's news be my undoing, I'll show her my true caliber !" I guess she was in fact the perfect person to hand me the bad news. It all sounds a bit immature but my world evolved around hospital & home & those within, add the state of mind tx created for me & that's it.  

 I headed home, climbed into bed, curled into a ball & stayed there. My son came in late on, "No Good" I called out, he acknowledged  & went to bed. Words were of little use to either of us at that point. "Shell-shocked" is the only description that fits.

Tomorrow was another day, let's see what it brings & with that thought I fell back to sleep.

Peace

Yogourt and Bananas

The end of week one brings you back to the clinic for your 1st set of treatment (tx) blood screens, this will continue every week for the first four weeks of tx, then once a month thereafter. This is so they can monitor your bodies reaction to the drugs & also to see how your doing in general.

My body coped with tx but only just. The effects of the drugs became more apparent with each passing week. Getting to grips with taking tablets 12 hrs apart ( in my case it was 3 x ribavirin 200mg in the AM then 2 more in the PM ), not only having to remember to take them on time, but also, having to eat with, to help them work & ease their toxic effect. Yogurts & Bananas...became the order of the day, washed down with as much water as a body can stand, this also eases the side effects, dry skin, cracked lips & helps to flush out your liver & kidneys. YOU MUST drink plenty of water !!!

My routine started to settle down, I noticed how  tx was effecting my body, the trick is knowing when to rest & when to push your body. I soon learned that in my case Jab day would be followed by a serge of energy that, as it was summer, would push me out into the garden, where I would dig over borders, weed & generally overdo it. Then came the payback, after gardening, would see me with such a temper & totally wiped out, as much as I knew this & would say" right,this time I'm going to slow down", but did I...No, did I Eckers like. I'd find some way to overdo it, be it a walk too far, or carry too much shopping home, it seemed I would always succumb to the Jabs effect.
This part was very hard for my son, as he knew, what was to come each week. I know now he would stay out, working in the libreray at university (it's open 24 hours ) or stay in his room, out of my way, because of my temper after overdoing it.

Then came the Ribo-Rage, in my case it manifested in the form of a tendency toward manic behaviour, I would go on & on & on repeating the same gripe, whatever it was, retelling it, each time as though it were the 1st. I would stand in the doorway of his room & vent, then walk away, as if that was it, only to turn around & return to carry on the story...This I would do over again, then I'd finish & usually go & lie down,( bed also became the new settee, breakfast, lunch, diner & super table all rolled into one ). My son must truly have thought I was going Bananas. He feared the worst, that much I know.

Those first three months pushed my body to it's limit, Having caught flu, along with a shit load of stress from various orgs,( the council & the phone company ) the fact that I was still grieving my Mothers passing, these & more all reflected in my platelet, T cells & other blood counts All reaching their cut off point,( this is when tx is usually stopped ).

I don't know how or why, but when my 3 month results were assessed, I was deemed well enough to continue...So I did.

.Rabbit

Up To Date And Drug Problems

This blog,alongside info on my other sites may seem a bit back to front & upside down,( should therefore make perfect sense to any space cadets,reading ).This is cause I started it late in my battle with Hepatitis C,so to get things into the correct perspective & really due to the fact I write,freestyle & am momentarily blank on tx anecdotes,this post seems to flow nicely so here it is...

I am currently writing about past events,working my way up to the present day,for reasons that will become obvious.I have described the basic outline of how my story unfolded,from my contracting hepatitis in my teens,being jaundiced,hep c wasn't even thought of then,then being diagnosed Hep c proper many years later,at which point there was no sign of a Tx at all.
My 1st trip to the hospital to get my body's condition assessed & there was still no Tx at that point,but HIV was abound & I think interferon was on the agenda,so things were moving in the right direction.
Then I write about treatments arrival,though people had tried to purge HCV with interferon alone,it was not an option for me at that point,due to my commitment to my son & my mother,both of which I  looked after.
Then with the passing of mother  and  Jnr being more than capable of taking care of himself,I was free to explore the possibility of Tx.After much ado & tests ad infinitum,they gave me the nod to start & so my last post begins the story from that point & will continue till we are all on the same page,poised for the turning of this new leaf,whatever it brings...

All that said,I'm also addressing the facts of drug misuse & the pitfalls therein.For instance I spoke to my old friend yesterday,he told me of a lads night in & how another was building joints,for each of them...Here that's yours,This ones for me.As generous as it seemed,the other would soon betray the real reason behind the facade.When my guy offered him the spliff,as by now there well stoned,the other declined & stated the truth...sorry,no offence but I'd rather not share, hep c & all,you know...no hard feelings ey.No,that's fine my guy replies.They carry on,the other is quaffing the brandy,in very fine style & once happily pissed didn't give two hoots about the saliva on my guys Jay.
What a load of old bollocks,yet it shows us both the fear that still surrounds such virus,juxtapose the fact that once we loose control of our sense,we can endanger ourselves,without a care.

Remember,whether it be Cocaine,Heroin,Amphetamine The sharing of the tools used in such pursuits,Tubes,needles,pipes spoons,even water from the same cup,puts you at RISK.If you must use drugs,then use them safely,oh & by the way,I don't want to be a kill joy,but Just let me remind you how it will unfold for you,this much I guarantee.First you'll lose your money,then your job,then your Partner,then your dignity,then your family,then your freedom & quite possible your LIFE.
I now it's easy for me to sit hear & preach,but let me remind you,that I stood on the edge of that very same abyss,I have the ulcers & virus & collapsed veins to prove it.Just be safe is all I wish,the other thing I know is no amount of preaching,jail terms,pain & anguish will alter your course,only you will know when that time has arrived.

Who am I to judge...       

LET BATTLE COMMENCE

My 1st start date turned out to be the same day as my birth, a good omen maybe ? Listen, forget omens, statistics on treatment & research everyone is different, your end result is the only statistic that matters to you.

My actual start date was approx a year after Mother passed away. So I attended the clinic on a January afternoon. After going through the usual weighing, temperature, heart rate & blood pressure tests, then blood samples,(drawn with some trouble), requiring a Dr to go in either my Femoral (groin ) or jugular (neck) vein. This was to  become the 1st lesson of my treatment protocol at the clinic & took a while for them to get a routine organised, much to my chagrin.

Next I met one of my specialist nurses, we sat & went through the ABC's of it, reminding me of joining a gym...here's your  DVD on how to administer your jab, your AM & PM pill box, a trendy insulated, jab carry case complete with freeze bag, to place inside, A burn bin, A box of Rebetol, 3boxes of Virefieron & a bunch of booklets, my own tx goodie bag.

The nurse watched me do my 1st jab at around 4pm.They had me hang around for a while, in case of any adverse reaction...there was none. So I signed on the dotted line & that was it.

Arrived home, Cup of coffee, then waited to see how this would go, it was like dropping magic mushrooms for the 1st time, that same sense of expectation, "what was going to happen", ( I must add I hadn't read much about TX or hepatitis c, even, a big MISTAKE ). It started to come upon me late evening, slowly gaining momentum, until I had to take a paracetamol around 2am. No big mystery, the same reaction as a dirty fix or withdrawal symptoms. This may have been my first time on TX but I had been here many, many times before. Whilst I had a rough night, sweating, hot & cold shivering, this was pare for the course for a heroin addict.

The next day found me settling down, yet still out of sorts. I might have been used to such drug induced symptoms, but nothing could have prepared me for what lay ahead. This was to be the steepest learning curve faced so far in my life, in a game you better catch onto very quickly, if you want to be in the fight proper, you can't come unprepared & you can't get a late start. I had come unprepared & started too early. After all mum had only been gone barley a year.

Fact is, by the end of the time spent caring for Mother, circumstances had taken a heavy toll on me & my boy. I was so used to fighting the system,( social services ) & the care assistants, for mistakes made & here was another system that made mistakes. Meaning I'd got another thing to get to grips with, when really you just need to do your TX without worry or stress, ( I laugh now but the one time each month that I knew I'd be stressed, is when visiting the clinic ) along with a reliable, support framework. Of all these I had naught, apart from my loyal, reliable son.

The dye was cast, hold onto your hats we're in for a bumpy ride.


Rabbit.

.

TESTING TIME

The appointments dropped on the doormat thick & fast,I can't remember the order,there were the usual suspects,this time they included...

Ultrasound Abdomen scan
http://www.radiologyinfo.org/en/info.cfm?PG=abdominct
As used on pregnant women.There is no ionizing radiation exposure with this test.

CT (CAT Scan )( Computed Tomography )
http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/003789.htm
Layed flat the scanner moves along the body encircling it,so your head & feet are not enclosed.

ECG ( Electro Cardio Gram )
http://www.netdoctor.co.uk/health_advice/examinations/ecg.htm,
which checks the electric activity in your heart.Quick & very simple.

There was an Upper Gastrointestinal Endoscopy (camera down the gullet ) http://www.webmd.com/digestive-disorders/upper-gastrointestinal-endoscopy  May I recommend the use of Diazipam as administered by the clinic & a companion to help you home.I opted for the spray in the back of the throat,as I was alone & was driving.This made it uncomfortable,but we managed it.The reason for this test is to inspect the Oesophagus for an varicose veins,which could lead to bleeding & with clotting of the blood being affected by TX drugs,could be a reason to delay.
My dear friend,to whom I pay tribute in this blog,had this issue, they placed stents,to reinforce the effected veins & he did his treatment (TX),not only once but two rounds of TX.So don't worry too much,if you can manage.There are always options for you,right up to transplant & beyond.

MRI Scan ( Magnetic Resonance Imaging ) Into the tunnel,but deeper
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Magnetic_resonance_imaging
The MRI will be used to clarify any irregular signs picked up in the Abdominal scan.
The only obvious worry is if one is claustrophobic,but there again a dose of diazipam will make for a smoother ride.Needs must & all that.

Always remember to read & follow any eating & drinking requests set out in your appointment info,as this is essential for the clearest results on the day.When in doubt,ring up the clinic your due at & ask them what the procedure pre test is.
Their number will be on the appointment letter,in case you need to cancel.

Always cancel in good time & reschedule.Your diary for your pills & jabs will come in handy for keeping track of these appointments...REMEMBER,missing these,without a very good reason,not only deprives another person of this wasted hour of valuable NHS resources.This will reflect alongside other failures in your conduct during TX & be taken into account,if you should find yourself wanting another shot at TX.

What goes around comes around...

I did all my tests,over the following months.Then,after the question of an apparent hemangioma on my liver had been settled,(it wasn't growing), http://www.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hemangioma

I was given the green light for treatment.

Hepatitis Clinic,pre treatment

The usual routine,appointment letter arrives,on the doormat,followed by the usual walk to that spot in the kitchen,where I slice open my mail,while the kettle boils.Then with coffee in hand I either head for the phone,to send a rocket,aimed at one org or another or back to bed to digest the new news.So I went back to bed & thought of what lay ahead.
Now with the presence of hindsight I could never imagine what a chain of events lay ahead.
So it was that I attended my local hospital for the first time in over ten yrs.This time it wasn't to Gastro-Ent's out-patient clinic,it was to the Hepatitis clinic,things had certainly changed,at least I bloody well hoped so,given my past experience regarding hep c,there.
I took my seat in the clean,contemporary designed waiting,come,reception area.This time it was not full of silver haired senior citizens,but younger people also folks of various ethnic groups...A striking comparison to the group older folk,that made me seem so out of place,many years earlier.Still,time & tide & all that.
A tall guy appeared & called me out,I followed,he introduced himself as a specialist nurse,then handed me over to a nurse who took me to take my vitals,weight,temperature,blood pressure,then delivered me to a consulting room,to continue with the tall guy...We exchanged some general chit chat & I told him of my concerns about what had gone before ,IE:my liver biopsy & that there was 0 chance of me agreeing to do another.He'd look into that & gather what info he could about the past tests.Then he told me how it works now.That he would send me for,a full blood screen,CT scan,abdomen scan ECG test, Oral endoscopy to start with,then when these results along with my past tests,were gathered & examined,a treatment plan could be put together.
I must say,after that visit to the hepatitis clinic, my treatment plan together with the thought,that I actually stood a chance of getting rid of this spectre,once & for all...Raised my spirit.

Pre-treatment tests...Now the work really began !    

HEP C, TREATMENT ARRIVES...

I was at my Dr's as usual & she informed me about a treatment on offer to some HCV patients, she had done a little homework on my behalf, enough to paint the broad strokes necessary to paint a picture that offered a glimpse of hope, where before there was none, a cure or remedy,(though I give in to the fact that it can't truly be called a cure,as a cure heals all & not some 50%), but hell I'll take 50% of a possible viral purge against nil chance of a cure, any day of the week...Hell yes !

She would set the wheels in motion & I'd  be informed of the what, where,when & why,by post in due course.

The last time I was at the hospital regarding my hep c, was some 10years earlier, when I had my botched biopsy, the results of which where lost.
Since then, my mother had become unsteady on her feet & no longer able to look after herself & my son. Let's just say, this was my 1st great turning point in my life, meeting the challenge with what turned out to be a natural flair for nursing. From that point on I became a health care professional. Exploring our rights, first & foremost was the patients charter,( which entitles anyone, the same health care provided in hospital, at your own home, provided you have sufficient support in your home environment & with me there, she did).

Our charter was enacted & we had a district nursing team, who would attend to her from time to time. It started daily, but I soon took over & within no time they just came to resupply us with dressings & prescriptions,they could see I was more than capable & it freed them up to get more done, everyone was happy.

This is how I became really close to my Dr, as she was in effect mum's doctor by proxy. I'd see her but just spend my allotted time talking over mum's bouts of illness & any hassles I had with the nurses...She was brilliant. She gave me my first taste of what it could be like to be a decent honest caring person, by how she praised me, gave her time to it, without a single sigh. She backed me up for 10 years, doing this.

So it was with great sadness, she told me that she was leaving the practice. Her that had taken me on,when nobody could get a methadone script, her that listened so patiently, her that watched me grow from a wild careless being, into a fine, caring, youngish man. There would be a while before she left & we agreed it would be fitting for me to have got to treatment, by this point.

Looking back she must have been very proud of me, as I had validated her decision to supply me with a maintenance prescription , in the vein hope that one day I might become a responsible member of society. Also, by supporting me she had inadvertently saved mother from having to go into hospital, which would have finished her off, a fact I have no doubt about. Instead we had 10 more priceless years together, mum Jr & I. keeping the social services at bay with my new found knowledge of the human rights act & the doctors actions, helped me secure a dignified way of living for us at a time when we were at the relative mercy of the state.

Looking back that was quite a coup I pulled off. The nurses & any other service could only attend by appointment. Social services wanted to have a "care assistant" attend  twice daily ( when they finally got a chance to intervene, that was cut to twice a week, after quoting the human rights act ( right to privacy in our homes). Mothers Doctor, who had advised she be taken to hospital for tests, was over-ruled, by me ( it was agreed Mother would go for tests only if her bed-sore got worse. It got better). After the doctor left that afternoon, my half-sister, who I had a very difficult relationship with,  remarked...Peter, I admire you for what you just did there, I regret a lot of the advice I followed from doctors, never thinking to stand up to them or question the instruction. She knew my actions were only in mum's interest & understood mum would prefer to die here today, than in hospital in six months time.

Mothers doctor said to me, after mother had passed...Well you got what you wanted, she stayed at home, it was a feeble gesture on her part. No we weren't the best of friends, so it was understandable in that part. The fact was, no, I got what Mother would have wanted.         

Mother passed away in Jan 07. Her death allowed me a shot at a longer life, a trade she would make gladly.

I now remember that, it was after that, my Dr told me of her intention to leave the practice.  Typing this sentence makes me wonder if  that was when she felt able to leave,( I've no doubt, she'd be trying to tie up as many loose ends as possible ) she knew I depended on her so much. Hence her suggestion of treatment, now I could devote my time & effort to it. I owed it to my Mother & son to give it a go, but could I keep it together,

well we'd soon find out...