A FINAL HIT

You out Sucka !

A week ago today I returned to my local hepatitis clinic to receive my treatment result, the final blood test result taken 6 months post tx, the Polymese chain reaction test commonly known as the PCR.

Rather than go into some long winded description of my emotions building up to that afternoon what I will say is, yes I was about as emotionally taught as one could ever be. The day was a carbon copy of the day just over two years earlier on which I had completed the same journey to the clinic, blue skys all day. Then to be told my final PCR test. That day it came back ' virus still detected.

This time I arrived sat down & immediately my name was called, I followed the doctor back into her desk, sat down & placed my ipod into my bag which I placed between my feet as I raised my head up to steal myself for the worst, her big beaming smile said it all, she was holding out a sheet of A4 announcing " you will want to read this, I had it printed out for you, " 

                   
                  CONFIDENTIAL RESULT

Reported                   Speciality      Location        Clinician               Status

22 Mar 2011 10:46 Virology/Serology    xxx           xxxxx (MWM)         F


Order Comment:
Sustained virological response  (SVR) .

Sample Ns 298566R (SERUM) Collected 14 Mar 2011 15:10  Received 14 Mar 2011 17:12
Hepatitis C PCR
    Hep C RNA                                      Not detected
    HCV Quantification Number               0
    HCV Quantification Log                     0
    HCV  PCR Lower detection Limit      15.00                 IU/ml


                                                              End of report

I sat & gazed at the page not trying to read it I knew very well it contained the news I had so long waited to hear.

So there it is my battle with hepatitis c is over, now I find a giant hole in my life, all of a sudden the very thing that has been driving me along, the enemy I have fought in so many ways, using every ounce of energy & every waking thought to achieve this one aim, that focus is gone & believe it or not I'm finding it hard to take in. No jumping for joy no wild celebrations, just still in the same routine eating, resting, walking & sleeping, only now the phantom aches of the phcycologic variety are all but gone & a sense of inner peace has descended.

Twenty five or more years ago I made a big mistake & since my HCV was detected & explained to me 14 years ago I've been paying for that schoolboy error. Not even expecting to be rid of it for 10 years. 4 years ago treatment became a reality, after mother passed away & I grasped it with my heart & soul... I stood on the edge of the abyss, lost & now found. The future is unsure ( but who's is ?) of that we can all be sure...


Now life really begins... One day at a time.

I dedicate this blog to the memory of my Mother Mary and My old Doctor who threw me a lifeline, then got me to treatment, Annabelle M.

I also wish to thank all who work in hepatitis clinics up & down the country, without you we have nothing.

Peace.