The month was June, talk about hot & bothered, the hospital wanted me to go back in for more blood tests & the memory of that phone call will stay with me for a while yet...
"Peter, we need you to come in & do your bloods again"
"No way, I'm done & dusted, I've taken my med's, done all my bloods, So what will be will be...sight you later. "The significance of that call would come to me later, but at that point I thought I,ve done everything I can & if it was vitally important, they would insist. They did not. They got the picture & we left it at that, well apart from the fact... I remember getting the sense that something was amiss, due to a previous phone call from the nurse who, upon my last visit had told me how to finish my med's thus ending tx.
"Do your last jab then take your usual dose of Rebetol for the following week & that's it"
"Roger, got that loud & clear "
After all that, she was called me back a couple ofweeks later, to ask me when I'd had my last jab ?
"when did I do my last jab ! you should know your the one who talked me through it."
"I do apologise Peter. I hope all goes well for you "
"Words just words ! "
My experience with the hep c clinic staff was by now fraught, to say the least. There was one nurse in particular, she had a habit of exclaiming...
" You have lost quite a lot of weight or your blood pressure is very high". I usually gave no reply, instead , I took to letting out a large sigh, to explain my feelings & that I was on to her the wined up. She will be referred to as nurse C, from here on.
Treatment was now 3 months past, I was on the mend & gaining in stamina & strength weekly. The 3 month point brought me back to clinic for the usual bloods & general debrief. I felt good, yet still mentally vulnerable to upset & quick to temper, but still in control. The visits to the clinic could pick me up on occasions when results were good. I'd elected a specific Dr to be the one to deliver the verdict in 3 months time, but decided on this visit that nurse C would do, by way of mending fences. She seemed quite decent that day.
Which was a far cry from the Tactless argumentative nurse I'd crossed swords with before.
They tell you, when you 1st attend the clinic..."we're always here call anytime, should you need us"
So when I called to tell them that, my dentist appointment was to clash with one at the clinic & I'd be late. That I thought it proper to call & explain, rather that just waltz in unannounced, with some old load of pony...NurseC replied "what do you mean turn up announced". Peter you can't just turn up when ever you please & on it went, she was really out for an argument, knowing full well she'd get one from me. I made an unofficial complaint to a nurse I knew would do right..."After the chat I've just had with nurse C & now I'm fuming , bouncing off the walls up here. I could imagine hitting the bottle if I was so inclined. That is no way to handle a patient on tx, so I'm marking her card, anyway I'll say no more, simply a word to the wise."
Six months had now passed post tx, time to return to the clinic for the result. I got dressed put on my Mothers gold ring, which had been altered to fit me, told my son I would text him with the news & walked out the door into a beautiful crisp summers morning. Such days are few & far between in a persons lifetime, one of those firsts, 1st girlfriend, 1st car, Most Memorable. With haircut short, tanned & freshly shaved I swaggered into the clinic, took my seat & was duly summoned by nurse C, all smiles we exchanged greetings, she telling me how well I looked as we took our seats, she leafed through my notes for a moment, then turned to me & announced that the virus was still detected...
"You see Peter, if you had come in for those blood tests."( remember that phone call, mentioned earlier )
"Hang on, I took my med's I did my bloods are you trying to say that it's my fault I failed ?"
"Oh no, no, not at all !"
My heart sank to a place visited once before, that being the time the surgeon told Mother & I how Father had passed away on route to the operating theater. That happened in the same hospital I know sat, putting the biggest front on since WWII. There was no way I would let this ONE see how deeply she had just pierced me.
As I remember it's amazing how quickly you seem to hit your default emotion overload switch & calm down, whilst they go into SOP...
"Well, your liver has had a good rest, the virus had all but gone at treatments end, we hoped it might have still cleared," along with the other pluses that they can throw you, by way of compensation.
So it was that I walked down the front of the hospital like so many times before, head full of if, ands, buts & maybes. Only this time feeling like the condemned man.
My first clear thought was for my son & how to break the news, impossible. My second was of getting stoned, Out of the question. Then came the 1st positive out of this disaster...
"There is no way I'm letting nurse C's news be my undoing, I'll show her my true caliber !" I guess she was in fact the perfect person to hand me the bad news. It all sounds a bit immature but my world evolved around hospital & home & those within, add the state of mind tx created for me & that's it.
I headed home, climbed into bed, curled into a ball & stayed there. My son came in late on, "No Good" I called out, he acknowledged & went to bed. Words were of little use to either of us at that point. "Shell-shocked" is the only description that fits.
Tomorrow was another day, let's see what it brings & with that thought I fell back to sleep.
Peace
No comments:
Post a Comment